*waves*

 

Been a while… thought I’d resurface to let you (three) folks know what I’ve been upto. Bated breath all around, yes.

The past month has quite possibly been the most harrowing time of my life. I’ve experienced erratic bouts of emotion ranging from mad rage to hysterical laughter to soulless apathy to unreal euphoria. And no, I haven’t smoked anything synthetic or organic, rest assured. During the past month, just the sheer pace of things has warranted this confusing gamut. To everyone that had to witness and partake of this experience willingly or otherwise, my sincere apologies. Including my dog who spent several confused nights with a wet back-of-the-neck.

I’ve learnt a hell of a lot, first and foremost being that hindsight is a real motherfucker. I can’t count the number of times this month I’ve wished I was a contortionist. Why? So I could bend my goddamn leg and stick my foot in my pie hole and alternately bend it all the way backward and kick my own ass! I mean God! Holy stupidity Fatman! You know how you look back on things and realize that even then you knew they were wrong or at least not all right and you just kept mum because you thought nay you hoped they’d blow over and how they just snowballed into big things that caught up with you all at once? Er, that happened to me.

Also, how the hell are people so intense? I’m talking about people that have the capacity to feel and give and lose and love and all those other lead-ins to The Oprah Show, without anything in return. I mean they’re a different variety of whack job. Incidentally all these people happen to be insanely close friends that I have tremendous admiration for.

I’ve been thinking, do people, things and time really change us? I mean our opinions sure, but what about our essence, the fabric we’re made of, so to speak? For instance my views on monogamy were single handedly sautéed and turned over by a book but does that mean I’ll spurn monogamy in practice? No, I don’t think it does. Because as a person I’m hardwired internally, to not. And not because anyone told me it’s wrong, in fact I’ve never been freer than now to make radical decisions. But I know I won’t do it. Fuck, am I inarticulate or what?! But yeah just a wondering.

Also, old friends are a beautiful thing.

My will to assimilate inane celebrity trivia that has no relevance to my life in anyway is ebbing slowly. This worries me greatly. No jokes. It was like my last shred of mindlessness and the ability to auto pilot that I took great comfort in. Now every damn thing warrants thought and it’s exhausting. I’ve realized I don’t like thinking. It’s a waste of my time.

Books I’ve read – The Giver, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Amulet of Samarkand and The Queen and I. Decent.

New Music listened to – Mazzy Star, Sufjan Stevens, Beth Orton.Decent.

Movies – A Night at the Opera, Omkara, Before Sunrise, Office Space, Pink Panther, Blood Diamond. Tsk.

Got the first ten episodes of Studio 60 so my weekend is booked. Now if only I can make it to there in one piece.

 And finally, I’ve put on two more kgs. Fucking cherry on my cake, huh?